I went to briefly visit the author ofSerpent Box. On my way back home I had the urge to use a restroom. I stopped at a busy intersection in a strip mall and ran into buy dinner at a popular fast food establishment. Inside seating was closed and the hallway to the bathroom blocked off with all the tables and chairs.
I asked the cashier if I could please use the bathroom, I still had an hour drive home and I wasn’t going to make it. She, of course said, “No.” The patron behind me suggested I go to the corner BBQ store-they might allow me to use their bathroom. I walked across the way to the family owned business.
A “kind woman” was exiting. She held the door for me and said “Go on in, honey.” However, I noticed a sign taped to the door saying “NO BATHROOM.” So I kindly asked, “If I buy something can I please use your restroom?”
Well, did she ever turn on THAT dime.
Voice raised she excitedly exclaimed, “No, no! There’s a paaaaan-demic, a paaaaan-demic I tell you! It’s all over, it’s everywhere! It’s serious! No, you CAN NOT use the bathroom.”
A bit stunned I muffled from under my mask “Yes, I know there’s a pandemic.” I started explaining that I had an hour drive home and she interrupted me…
“There’s a paaaan-demic! A paaaan-demic I tell you! It’s serious!! You gots to go before you leave home!!”
Stunned again, my dukes were up and I wanted to explain that I’m a 56 yr old woman who has raised 4 kids, and I’m a teacher and I know ALL about “going before you leave home.” My dukes were UP and my blood was about to boil…and yet I was at her mercy.
That’s when the peacemaker stepped in. She had been standing there all along, nearly invisible.
The Peacemaker said “What? You need the restroom?” and the “kind woman” who turned on the dime shouted “Yes, but there’s a paaaaan-demic, a paaaaan-demic I tell you! It’s serious!!” and the Peacemaker in a lower voice said, “If it’s so serious, then why are you the only one not wearing a mask?”
My dukes were still up, and I thought…’nice hook! Now lemme give her an undercut!”
But the “kind woman” took a breath and started on the defense with a list of excuses and instead of delivering another hard jab, the Peacemaker, even more softly said…”Ok, ok, but you gotta say it nicer. You just gotta say it nicer.”
I wish the author of theSerpent Box had been with me because he would have taken a very poignant photograph of the Peacemaker’s light. What I have is her memory etched in my brain. She helped me solve my little issue after that.
Wishing you all health, happiness, peace and better in 2022. Here is a poem I wrote many moons ago. I would, of course, LOVE to hear how it touches you. The photo is available in my ETSY store.
photo by, Marisa Salisbury
THE OPERA
BY, Marisa Salisbury
The crickets chirp, raising to soprano crescendo
Enter the birds in harmonious song
Their beating wings and fluttering feathers
Like soft percussion of the timpani
The frogs croaking in baritone splendor
As a soft
Breeze
Whistles in through reeds and branches
Her soft song of love,
Of patience
To awaken the tenor
Like a bear rising from his winter slumber
He raises his arms
Turns to the audience of a redwood forest
And bellows his notes
Then…
Silence
Slowly, all turn to face the east
As the sun BURSTS through the sky like a crashing symbol
Have you tried taking financial advice from successful millionaires and billionaires? I have. Have any of their strategies worked? Not really for me. I mean I’m not a millionaire or billionaire afterall. Also, just like exercising regularly, I don’t stick with it. I thought ‘Well, she/he’s a millionaire, they must be able to tell me something so that I can be a millionaire too.’ I don’t mean to bad mouth anyone. Honestly, it’s me. I’m a bit inconsistent and self deprecating. I’m not competitive and so when the financial going gets tough, I tend to hide in a cave and tone it down a notch rather than “get going” like a tough guy.
Some of these millionaire programs first ask to fork out money. It’s either for a membership to their exclusive club in which they will divulge all their strategies. Or money for their program. Something that I had to pay for in order to get some advice for getting on track. But I just needed to get on track. I wasn’t in a head space to become a millionaire or billionaire. I needed to get back on track.
Soooo, have you ever tried taking financial advice from a dummy? I did, a couple of years ago. And I learned more from those people for free. I’m not great with money but I have learned from people who were worse than I was. I’ve learned from people who are better than me too. I learned from both types. And they weren’t millionaires. Both made me realize things about myself. Habits I had, GOOD ONES, and bad ones. Boundaries I had and habits and boundaries that I needed to create.
Hello, dummy! It takes one to know one. OK, you don’t really know me, but trust me, I’m a dummy.
I want to share with you some simple and FREE habits and strategies I have been practicing over the past 2 years which have helped me lower my anxiety on payday AND turn myself around to controlling my money instead of it controlling me.
In this article I want to share just one. The first and single most simple habit I have been practicing that helped me start controlling my money within 3 months. KNOWLEDGE is power. I honestly had very little knowledge about what my money was doing and where it was being spent. I just knew that I didn’t have enough and before the month was over, my money was gone and I was eating peanut butter from the jar and bundling up at home instead of running the heat.
You’ve heard of the straw that broke the camel’s back? Well this camel’s back was broken many times. Cue the music “I get knocked down, but I get up again, they’re never gonna keep me down.”
One of my mantras is to be like the palm tree. Bending with the storm then bouncing back unbroken. In 2018, however, another straw broke the camel’s back again and this time I filed for divorce. This left me in over my head in debt because when he moved out, I then had to pay for everything. I wasn’t sure I made enough to do that but I thought maybe I did? And this is why I need to control my money. He was out of the picture and couldn’t control nor influence any of my finances so, that was good. I had only myself to rely on. There was no one and nothing else going on behind my back. That made things more manageable.
I’m a teacher. I have a good, secure job and good pay. My pay was not impacted at all during the COVID lockdown so I have that going for me. In fact, conducting distance learning from home freed up over $300 month for me because I was working at a school one hour from my home. The gas alone was a savings for me. I know the gas was this much because of the habit I’m about to share with you now.
STEP #1
TRACKING YOUR MONEY
I have been calling it this up until a couple of months ago when I discovered that the Japanese call it keikebo. Not only is that a way cooler name but I was pleasantly surprised to make a connection with the ancients. Once again, the reason I began this blog is to share ways in which we are all interconnected in every way possible. So I’ve been calling it keikebo ever since.
When I ventured out on my own in 2018 my mortgage was about ¾ of my salary. That left me only ¼ of my salary to pay my monthly bills and then- well then-I just went on with a wing and a prayer that the money would stretch to the end of the month. Because I was a dummy.
There were other strategies and practices which I also started. I am working on another blog post to share those with you. Here, today, I want to share the very FIRST step I took toward controlling my money and gaining KNOWLEDGE. And we all know that KNOWLEDGE is POWER.
Tracking all my spending immediately lead me to becoming more mindful of the number of stops I was making to spend my money. I actually LISTENED to the cashiers when they told me the total. I had a conscious thought…”hmmm, that seems high for just these things.” or “oh, that’s not too much, I thought it would be more.” Does this happen to you? We are not alone. I have a friend who had bought a few groceries which included 2 loaves of challah bread and the cashier errantly rang her up for 63 loaves and she blindly just paid it and walked out without noticing until she got home! I know there have been PLENTY of times I’ve gotten to my car completely oblivious to what my grocery bill was just moments before. I just slide my card like a zombie without even listening or thinking. It’s that numbing mindset that “Well, I need food and groceries so I just pay whatever they say to pay. It’s not like this is something I can control.” But that is WRONG. KNOWLEDGE is power. KNOWING what you are spending is the first baby step to take control and change (if change is needed.)
This practice made me a little anxious. But not so much that I didn’t want to continue. It caused me just enough anxiety that I avoided stopping for many days. I tried to see how long I could go without spending any money. Not stopping on a whim made me store up and stop 2-3 places on one day instead of stopping to spend money every day. Storing up made me think more about what I needed to buy and thus shop with more of a shopping list and more of a purpose. Shopping with a list and purpose cut down on my spending.
Here’s all you need.
1- A pocket calendar/planner from the Dollar Store.
2- A notebook-also from the Dollar Store OR a digital spread sheet (here’s a free download)
The Pocket Calendar:
Go to the Dollar Store and buy a small pocket planner. Don’t spend a lot of money on anything cute or fancy. Do pick an available color that tickles your fancy. Something that is joyful and pops out, so you always know where it is. (Last year I used red because it’s my favorite color. This year I chose this color that reminds me of the sea.) Put it where it will always be handy.
I keep mine in the center console of my car. (During COVID lockdown this didn’t work well because I did way more buying on line.) So, please find a place that makes entering your receipts seamless. If you’re a dummy like me, you will skip entering expenditures if this planner (rebranded Keikebo) is not at your finger tips at the right time. Full disclosure, I still miss entering my online purchases. I am finding that I only catch them at the end of the month when I complete step #2.
You are going to enter EVERY RECEIPT you get. Just jot it down on the date and categorize it. Is it for groceries, a gift, gas, clothing, etc? Then throw away the receipt (unless you think you’re going to need it later.) When the cashier asks you “Do you want the receipt printed or emailed? In the bag or in your hand?” The answers are “PRINTED PLEASE” and “in my hand. “
Now, I will give you the choice. Choice #1- With receipt still in hand, you either enter it in your keikebo before you put the key in the ignition OR Choice #2- put it in the planner and drive off. When you get home, you do not get out of the car until you enter all your receipts (even if it’s just one) into your keikebo. Then throw away the receipt(s).
That’s it.
Baby step #1.
Here are some random pages from my very simple keikebo. It shows how I have consolidated my spending days.
Before you go on to step #2, now is a good time to take a break from reading and either contemplate what I’ve written and/or watch this interesting youtube video about the concept of Keikebo. I really liked it. It reinforced what I had been doing for about two years. My savings came naturally without any goals, but I will write about that in a later post.
STEP #2
The Ledger/Spread sheet
I use Google sheets but you can use a notebook or Microsoft spreadsheets.
Again, nothing fancy. Any plain notebook will do. I have provided a free digital download for you. (Please free to contact me if you need steps to duplicating pages at the bottom and renaming them. It’s a simple right click on your mouse pad and readily available information on Google help, but, I’m always glad to hear from you.)
My sister was my accountability partner on this. In fact it was her idea. Do you have someone you can trust to hold you to making this a constant habit?
Full disclosure here. My sister told me about this and how it helped her. She sent me a sample blank spreadsheet. She encouraged me to do it for me, that she had no interest in knowing my specific finances and had no intentions of judging me, she didn’t want the numbers. She just wanted me to do it so that I myself had the numbers. I couldn’t (and wouldn’t) have done it without her. She asked when I would be starting it and when she could expect a copy or notification that I did it. I gave her something like 3 weeks because she was very persistent. Well, 4 weeks later, I had a voicemail from her saying-this is pretty much a direct quote- “Marisa, this is your sister. I’m calling because you said you’d have this ledger going after 3 weeks and it has been 4 weeks. I haven’t received anything from you showing that you started it. You are the one who said you’d be starting it. I’m just calling to check to see if you did what you said you were going to do. It’s for you after all, not me. You are the one who said you needed to get control. I’m just calling to find out if you are doing that.” Do you have someone in your life who can be direct like that? Why not give them this exact script so they can remind and encourage you?
I remember one of the months I got lazy with it and started stressing about backtracking to fill in the prior month when I was well into the current month. At the beginning, I did it for 1-2 months, then skipped and got sloppy about entering receipts. My anxiety rose as I thought about the daunting task of going back and filling in the month I skipped. And then what would I tell my sister and accountability partner?! When I told her I was behind she graciously said ‘fuggetaboutit.’ Forget about backtracking. Just give yourself grace, you’re new at this, just forget last month and pick it back up THIS month. Forget it. Don’t bother.
If you try this simple habit and in the beginning neglect it, advice from this dummy is to just get back on track with the current month. Keep going forward and don’t look back. Just keep moving forward.
After about 6-7 months this was a part of my life, #1) a daily routine of entering every receipt into my keikebo and #2) a monthly routine of transferring everything from my keikebo into the ledger. (I get paid once a month and this financial stuff-right up there with exercising regularly-is not my favorite adulting responsibility, so I have always balanced check books and paid bills only once a month.)
After a few months of entering the category totals I cringed at the amount I was spending on groceries. I tried to cut back a little more the following month but it still came out about the same. With about 5 consistent months in my ledger, I asked around. I asked a bunch of friends how much they spend on groceries. Guess what. Not ONE single ONE of them had any idea. Pat on the back for me! I felt like I was a step ahead of a bunch of people in this game. That was exciting!
Since my friends were no help, I looked at some of my habits. One thing I noticed was that I had a lot of containers with left overs and was throwing out a lot of food that had gone bad in the fridge. I was cooking for just my son and me. Turns out not only was I was cooking too much food for just us but in working hard to maintain normalcy for my son by cooking new meals every day I hadn’t factored in this new routine of custody. Often I would make a new meal when there was a refrigerator full of leftovers and then he’d be gone for a few days. I changed that habit. I made sure I cooked bigger meals on the day he came home and I became better and disguising leftovers or using leftovers in a completely different way. I became a better meal planner all ‘round.
It has been two and a half years now and this one baby step quickly lead to a few others simple changes which I will write about next month. Since I keep every month in the bottom tabs of the google spreadsheet, it’s very easy to click on past months to see what I spent in different categories and compare. (For example, I can click on December 2020 and see just how much I spent on Christmas gifts last year. That gives me a ballpark for what I can expect this year.) Though I have made other changes (and one very significant one) the money I have left over AFTER paying my mortgage and bills has quadrupled. You heard that right, I have a growing savings account! I guess I can officially say that I’m not living paycheck to paycheck because I have money left over at the end of the month!
TIME & GRACE
Give yourself some love and time. Honestly, I was a hot mess at payday. I knew I needed a payday but my anxiety was also high so when my paycheck arrived instead of a sense of relief, I suddenly then got nervous. Why? Because I knew my money was controlling me instead of ME controlling my money. I knew I earned enough to pay all my bills but then I stressed about all the groceries and absolutely anything else that might come up during the month. Everything else was out of my control. Groceries, gas and incidentals. I just stayed on this step for over a year. I’m a dummy-I told you that in the title.
Would you do me a favor and share your ideas about this one strategy here in the comments? Could you also follow me on facebook and share this post with your own social media on instagram, twitter, facebook or elsewhere? Whether or not this is a helpful strategy for you, you never know who in your circle might benefit from this baby step.
UPDATE:
THIS selfie shows WHY you want to enter receipts daily. This pic ALSO shows why you want receipts in your hand and NOT in the bag! Here I said that I really don’t stop often nor spend money every day. This represents only about two weeks of receipts. Just look how they pile up! I have been a little lax this month entering receipts in my keikebo and instead have been shoving them into my wallet. As usual, I don’t even have any actual money in my wallet, just receipts.
I love the crisp cool air, the bright colored leaves are still turning and falling. My neighborhood being lit up with festive lights.
This can be a busy and frenetic time of year. Here are some traditions that help me actually slow down, take time to be intentional and notice the magic and beauty in life teeming all around me.
FINDING JESUS
As we unpack the boxes of Christmas decorations to deck these halls one very simple tradition is that in setting up the creche, the person who unwraps the baby Jesus gets to hide him. The general rule is that he has to be hidden in plain sight. Whoever finds the baby Jesus then quietly re-hides him. This sets up a sense of expectation. It’s a very simple way to remind us that Jesus is always hidden away in our hearts, that He is always around us waiting to be found. It’s a simple little tradition that packs a big punch. Often I have seen my son smile for no reason when he either notices that his hiding place has been found out or that he has found Jesus! Jesus has been on the ceiling fan, in the Christmas tree, perched on shelf or in a corner. He has been high and low and everywhere in between. My son is 13 now, he still isn’t tired of this hide and seek.
CHRISTMAS CARDS
This one is a BIG production. My mom is actually the most excited about it. I don’t get to this every year but it is fun and creative. I only make 50. I make rather elaborate handmade cards. It usually takes up the entire dining room table and I start right after Thanksgiving. If you are the creative type, why not use this as an outlet? I know very few people send Christmas cards any longer, so this is a more artistic way to put your craft out into the world.
ADVENT CALENDAR with a sort of TO DO list
I found this Advent calendar at Starbucks many years ago. The back is magnetic chalkboard and those are tins. Inside each tin I have placed two tiny pieces of paper. One is a random act of kindness. Depending on the ages in your family, you can search on google or pinterest for “25 days of Kindness Calendar.” There are many free ones, some to purchase. Why not do it ALL YEAR?! In any event, a few years ago I took the time to clip out all 25 and fit one inside each tin. The second thing in there is the daily dare from Ann Voskamp’s Joy Dare calendar. It is a free resource and something I try to stick to all year to keep me searching for the lovely things in life. By putting it in the advent calendar, it’s something I can share with my son. Of course I also put in a candy treat, just so my son will even open it! The tins are NEVER in order, which again, keep us searching for each day’s tin.
IT’S A WONDERFUL LIFE
It isn’t Christmas without an annual viewing of the 1946 classic It’s a Wonderful Life. There is a beautiful old time vintage theater where I live that had an annual showing but I don’t see it on their calendar this year. It’s a beautiful restored venue with huge red velvet curtains, a very ornate ceiling and vintage marquis and tiny ticket booth in front. This year, it looks like we’ll be watching from the comfort of our own home.
EPIPHANY AND A DEEP HONORING BREATH
All the halls stay decked until January 6, the day of Epiphany or Day of Kings. Did you know that THESE are the 12 days of Christmas? The 12 days after Christmas. No way is ANY of it coming down before that. I love all the decorations and lights all over the neighborhood and I am in absolutely no hurry to take any of it down. So, when we do take it all down and pack it away. We hold hands, circle all the boxes and take some deep conscious breaths together. We consciously honor all the time we spent together, all the gifts, all the giving, all the food, wonder and awe. We give the season space and time to rest in our memories and hearts.
Do you have any unique traditions? What do you think of these? Are there any that resonated with you? Are there any that you think you might try this year? Please let me know in the comments below-I LOVE hearing from you.
I wish you a season full of wonder, peace and love.
Thanksgiving has long been a bit precarious for this place I call home. For 30+ years now I have lived on the other side of the country from my parents and siblings. Traveling “home” to the other coast for the major Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays became a real hassle. So sometimes I get melancholy thinking that all my local friends have family nearby to visit while I didn’t–it was just us, our blended family with no aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. It was a struggle to make these family holidays my own when I much wanted to be with my parents and siblings sharing the responsibilities of cooking and spending time together. Creating a blended family often left me feeling left out. So I have spent decades learning to embrace our uniqueness and making creative heartfelt collections of unique traditions. (Is that an oxymoron?)
I want to share with you some of the things that have been incorporated into the lives of my family.
The DINNER
Order up!!
This is something I cooked up quite some years ago (pun intended.) When I was part of a blended household and kids were coming and going on odd vs. even years and at certain times on Thanksgiving Day…I could barely keep it all straight. And so, one year, I decided to embrace our uniqueness and declare favorite dishes. Everyone gets to place their order for something on the table. Anything. One year, the stepsons really tested this out and we had 4 kinds of meat on the table. Sure we always have a turkey, but I also want duck. We have had my famous mac n’ cheese, ribs, acorn squash, artichokes (out of season) , fried rice specifically from the Chinese restaurant up the street. You name it! I’m sure at some point someone ordered it and it was on the table. (Hint: as the chef you don’t have to have a family sized dish of an item. Some dishes no one will eat except the person ordering it, so, for example just one acorn squash is enough. Also, ask about 2 weeks in advance. Some kids want to think about it and it gives you time to shop for ingredients.)
The “GIVING”
The day after Thanksgiving we have all the kids do a rather hefty clearing out. They go through all the toys they either don’t really play with any longer or are ready to give up. They know Christmas is just around the corner. So all the toys that are broken we get rid of but the ones that are slightly used, unused and really in decent condition we box up and put on the hearth. The tradition goes that on the night after Thanksgiving Santa comes down the chimney to collect all unwanted toys. He brings them back to the North Pole for inspection and repair and then on Christmas Day delivers them to children around the world who are thrilled to have them.
I found my kids were always quite generous and honest. They played a part in sifting through their toys, making important decisions, letting go and doing good in the world by giving. There were times they surprised me by saying that some one could use a certain toy more than they. Or keeping a toy because it was something that my sister had given and it reminded them of her. ( A child as young as 5 can do this!)
The THANKS
Make a thankful collage.
Materials:
Butcher paper & tape
Markers
Old magazines
glue sticks
scissors
Are you going to have several kids around? Here’s a great idea to keep them working together on a creative project for a while. Tape butcher paper to walls for each kid. Have older kids help younger kids trace an outline of themselves. Have kids title it “I am thankful for…” and then have them draw in their outline/silhouette with them wearing their favorite outfit. Draw and cut out from magazines some things for which they are grateful.
All cousins and grandkids can take them home when they leave. It’s a great reminder for them and they can even add to it throughout the year. I would like to think they’d hang it on their bedroom wall.
The BLESSING
Every year, no matter where we are, I read this excerpt of Abraham Lincoln’s proclamation.
Some years I add a word or two here and there to bring poignancy to just how much it correlates to our current events and to bring folks back in. Beside me choking up absolutely every year, there is usually at least one other tear jerker in the house when they hear it. If I can plant a seed and bring someone to a point of inspiration and true appreciation, I consider that a GREAT day. Luckily I have Abe on my side to assist.
A Holiday Movie
I know….really commercial right?! The truth is, I really don’t enjoy going to the movie theaters to watch movies. Honestly, I critique them too much to enjoy them. I think they are overpriced and the ridiculous amount of money that goes into them honestly, I find a little sickening. Hollywood so rarely meets my expectations that it’s not really ‘entertaining’ for me. Sure, I go, once in a while but it’s just not my jam. Sure I watch the movies years later on Netflix and I like them alright, even better than I would have had I paid $15 at a theater back when it was popular and ‘everyone else’ was going to see it.
However, the feel good brightly colored family friendly movies that are released on Thanksgiving and Christmas day every year. YEP! I love going to those. If not right on Thanksgiving day then the next day…you know after the kids have finished with “the giving.”
What are some of your favorite memories or traditions for Thanksgiving?
A response to the revolution which ignited after the George Floyd murder
Photo by Marisa Salisbury
There’s much talk about “what is my purpose in life.” We’ve all heard and used the term “the circle of life.” We all have unique purposes, yes. Based on our innate abilities, characteristics and personalities. Some we are born with, some formed throughout life. But dare I offer that we DO all have ONE common purpose in life. That purpose is to EVOLVE.
According to etymology online, EVOLVE comes from the Latin root EVOLVERE. It can mean to unroll or roll out. This makes me think of unfurl…though I am no Latin expert. As with books though, it could mean to develop.
EVOLVE showed up in the English language in the 1640s as a way to express unfolding or opening out. Surly when a flag is unfurled or unfolded it becomes airborne and majestic. When a FLAG is unfurled, THAT is when we all FEEL it’s honor, majesty and power of the country that it represents. And so it is with us…the members of the human race. For each and every one of us, it is our purpose and mission on this planet to unfurl and EVOLVE in a way that honors the humanity that WE REPRESENT. To show how majestic our humans are and how powerful we actually are. This truly is at the root of evolution.
DEVOLVE and devolution then would be the opposite. If any individual devolves then humanity doesn’t show so well. If a faction of society devolves en masse then a real problem can present itself. If neighboring or separately classified group of members of the human race devolve in their own special way, it sets a string of dysfunction across to OTHER factions of the planet. It sends our whole planet out of whack. It happens in families frequently and quickly. One spouse devolves, affecting all members of the nuclear family (and sometimes beyond.) Destroying the nucleus of the family and WORSE –the children in that family who then can not evolve as is their SOLE PURPOSE on Earth.
REVOLVE and revolution, I offer, is the only way to push back to the healthy path of EVOLUTION. Set the planet RIGHT and back on it’s course by starting with ONE’S SELF or beginning with one’s separate class of members of the human race. A REVOLUTION is the only way to return to our purpose of evolution and evolving.
And THIS is one description of “THE CIRCLE OF LIFE.” We have all set out to evolve, failed and gotten derailed (by myriad substances and people) but in our core we love and ARE loved and we get back up again in personal revolution in our lives. Round and round we go. Don’t beat yourself up about it. Don’t beat up your community over it. That would only continue the devolution. Instead, stare it in the face and start a revolution!
LOVE.
And you can’t spell EVOLVE without L O V E.
If you are being swept up in this current REVOLUTION are you getting back on course with LOVE? If you don’t know what to do or what to say, then STOP. Breathe in LOVE. Think on LOVE and THEN form your speech and your words. THEN act on the action you now see more clearly, in love.
Are you about to fight or rally against a revolution? Well, STOP. Breathe in love and breathe out what you will likely find is FEAR. You may see the rising revolution in a different light. You may see it in the light of love and you may consider that their impending revolution is being done in love in order to get back to their evolution. You may find that it is some OTHER class of members of the human race that have devolved causing a ripple effect or poison to spill over across the planet. The ones devolving may not even be aware of their own need for a revolution of their own.
A revolution that is based in love will gather others quickly, and in numbers far greater than the stars in the sky, to the revolution.
Once upon a time a beautiful male co-worker of mine told me that women, in general, are AMAZING. I wasn’t feeling amazing most of the time and when he said it, I thought ”What? Maybe the women YOU know but I’m not so amazing…you could ask a lot of people around me who know me or at least who spend a lot of time with me and they would give you the same puzzling response. Maybe SOME women…but not this one, not Marisa…she’s ok. But not AMAZING.”
Then I discovered Lectio Divina. And it has blown my mind and my spirit out of the physical confines of this mortal body. I see things, I see MYSELF in a wholly, holy and beautiful new light. It’s AMAZING.
When I wrote this, I was looking at my five year old son on a night he went to sleep as a 4 year old but woke up as a 5 year old. And I thought-in at least ONE sense–I AM, in fact, absolutely AMAZING.
We women can grow a human life inside of us and then have them surgically removed or expulsed from our bodies in THE MOST UNNATURAL WAY… a way that, quite frankly, is SOOO unnatural that our bodies writhe and convulse in confusion of fighting to hold on to that life or let it out into the light. Some women even die during the experience thus moving them from the realm of amazing into glory…I guess.
As if that’s not enough-once that human life is removed and separated from our bodies, though they adapt immediately to the atmosphere, they STILL cannot survive without us. So, we grow food and you would think one human being sucking food out of another would also diminish the capacity of the host…but nope-whenever they want, they just make a sound and instead of having the life sucked out of us, it’s more like THEY breathe life into US.
Then we teach them month after month how other human beings on this planet do things; live, become self-sustaining, communicate, have cognitive and spiritual processes. And before you know it, they are 5 times their original size and interacting on this planet just like all the other human beings.
And we act like nothing ever happened!! Like the little life we grew inside of us just magically appeared out of nowhere and we took care of it because we are “just nice people.”
Now, that is TRULY AMAZING. It’s beyond amazing…it is MUNIFICENT (adj. larger or more generous than is usual or necessary. Synonyms: bountiful, philanthropic, lavish, big hearted, charitable.)
Brag. Please! What is some munificent thing you (or someone you know) has done for a child? I know this post is about motherhood but dads, aunt, uncles, guardians, grandparents, teachers (who have I left out? ) please tell us below about something you look back with some inkling of your greatness.
My inner spirit feels like Dharma waiting to bust out…but I’m forced to move within the confines of these things that can be seen. Didn’t I JUST describe Greg to a “T?” So, I guess I’m Greg! …but I really am more like Dharma…maybe I’m more of an evolved Greg.
I feel surrounded by and unnaturally forced to operate within the confines of calendars, clocks, schedules, the time between the sunrise and the sunset, producing something. It’s not something that is innate for me. And the moment a Saturday comes along–baby, I am on my own time!
I Don’t know where YOU live, but where I LIVE it’s over 100 almost everyday and the dry hot sun beats down on us relentlessly.
Yesterday as I walked into a local Dollar Tree store a homeless woman meandered my way and let out a loud comment “Ugh, I’m burning up! I’m so hot, I’m burning! “ I suddenly felt really badly for her and acknowledged how hot it has been. She then wandered into the air conditioned store continuing to moan “Ugh, I’m burning up!” She was clearly distraught and I was feeling a lot of compassion, empathy and worry that the store clerks were going to kick her out of the store.
Then I noticed a worried looking young store clerk who looked like she didn’t know what to do. A lot went through my head. Does she have store directives NOT to let homeless people into the store? Was she afraid of the homeless woman? Was she conflicted because of the directive and her own empathy for the woman. Seriously, it has been 102 degrees for a few days now. And when you’re out there on that black asphalt, no shade, the sun beating down on you. I’d be burning up too!
I got my item, and I said something humanizing to the clerk. Something like “I just can’t even imagine what it must be like to be homeless.” She agreed with me. And I decided that she was more worried about the woman than the situation. I told her I was going to buy the woman a water and she was OK with that. I know, stores don’t want homeless people wandering around the store just to seek shelter from the elements outside. I know it can cause all kinds of other problems later. And I didn’t really know if another clerk would have discouraged me from doing so. Anyway, I wanted the clerk to know not to accuse the woman of stealing or anything, that I was going to buy the drink for her.
When it comes to committing random acts of kindness, as your heart is suddenly moved and the opportunity presents itself…I say DO IT! Don’t hesitate. Don’t overthink it, your heart feels compelled in that moment-so obey!
Here are some tough lessons that I learned the hard way. I didn’t let it stop me but instead I learned from the experiences and was careful to put into practice in future similar situations.
One time someone asked for money while I was at a stoplight. I GAVE them what I had sitting in the center console. A couple of coins. The person spit at me. I learned, maybe it’s better NOT to give at all unless you have something substantial, like $1. I mean what I gave them really wasn’t enough to do anything with.
When I was at a Dollar Store with my-then-6 year old son, I neglected to really notice the homeless person outside the store but my 6 year old didn’t. While walking through the store he asked if we could buy something for the guy and I said “Absolutely! Pick something out.” He picked a bag of pretzels. With ME by his side, my son offered the guy the pretzels and the guy turned him down saying he was gluten free!! I was briefly stunned, grabbed my son, walked away, almost cussed (because I’m from NY and I DO that sometimes!) and I spent a minute feeling sooooo badly for my son, when the lightbulb went on and I told my son about lesson #3 I learned: it’s not about ME, not about my son. It’s about helping and moving on.
After a school picnic in the park we had a LOT of food left over and no one really wanted to cart it back. A homeless person was in the park and if it weren’t for the kids, I would have invited him to join us…but safety first! I wrapped up a bunch of it and walked it over to him. He suddenly got hoppin’ mad at me. He argued and insulted me and then found a reason to take the food “if it was doing ME a favor” but insisted that he didn’t NEED it…..aaaaaaand it all sunk in. Seriously, I’m a good listener. I’m a BETTER listener than I am a speaker, especially when it comes to speaking up when I NEED HELP. The lesson I learned that day is my #1 most important lesson and it has stuck with me for decades. Lesson: Turn the tables and let the other person DO YOU a favor. Just begin with “Can you do me a favor?” More details below….keep reading.
THREE things you need to know to help the homeless:
Some of them are mentally ill. If they WEREN’T when they started, they might be NOW. (Research the effects of solitary confinement on prison inmates.) You should learn that external stimuli can CHANGE the brain. So, don’t talk to or treat or have expectation that you would have of others whose brains are healthier.
If you do NOTHING wrong but the homeless person accuses you of doing something wrong….see #1 above and DO NOT take it personally.
WHATEVER YOU GIVE make it a favor. Doesn’t matter how stupid you THINK you sound…please see #1 above. It may not sound stupid to them. This six-word preamble could make ALL the difference.
Here are the six words again: Can you do me a favor?
Here’s what I said to the woman today who was “burning up!” — “Can you do me a favor? I bought too many waters, could you take one off my hands please?”
When we have half-days at school, the cafeteria gives EVERY student a bag lunch. As far as I know–for liability reasons– students need to eat school food ON SCHOOL property. So, I tell my students on THOSE days “If you aren’t going to eat something please do not open it. I will give it to some homeless people on my way home.” They put it in a box, they feel like they are helping and NOT wasting food, they never see the food again. THEN, on my way home, I find a homeless person and I tell them what a problem I have. “Can you do me a favor? I teach second grade and the kids didn’t eat this food. Do you know anyone who might want it?” NEVER has this failed me. The person I encounter has ALWAY taken a BOX of PBJ, carrots, salsa, apples and yogurts. One time a woman hesitated because it was a lot of food. She picked things out for herself before saying…”Well, I might know someone who wants it. Ok, I’ll take the whole box.”
Do you have other ideas that help you to help someone else? Have you had a bad experience helping someone? Maybe we kind find the lesson in it together. Do you have good stories about helping someone spur of the moment?
Our lives take many twists and turns. Some are forced upon us just by the general nature of us living on planet earth with billions of other people. But sometimes we make our own choices, calculated or not. Sometimes we simply interpret something a certain way, perhaps two of us may interpret or react to the SAME thing in totally different ways. Why? Because we are each unique, with innate, unique gifts. YOU are unique–ONE OF A KIND—and that’s a GOOD thing! Be your BEST you!
There is something at the root of us all-I believe-that connects us though. I noticed this agapanthus this week. All of these shoots are coming from the same roots, the same plant. They are within inches of each other and receiving the same sunlight and shade. And I thought, the way they are all growing in their own way reflects how we humans live our lives.
Photo by: Marisa Salisbury
This shoot has its eye on a goal and is headed straight for it. Directly, taking no turns, accepting no obstacles. Is it taller than the rest? No, not really. Will it bloom before the others? I will let you know. Will it bloom bigger? I will let you know that as well.
Photo by: Marisa Salisbury
This shoot is either shy and trying to hide from what is good for it. Headed away from the light and back down into the darkness. I know that the sun will not allow for this. No matter how hard this shoot reaches for the dark shade and thick underbrush of the roots, the sun will continue to shine on it and it WILL turn around and head back on the right path.
Photo by: Marisa Salisbury
This one looks like it tried to do the same thing but saw that the sun is good and turned around to reach for the light. But what a twist and turn it took!! Is that a bad thing? Not really. When we take a detour in our own lives and head in the wrong direction for a while maybe we make some friends along the way, maybe we help someone out with the unique gifts that we have. MAYBE it was following that second shoot, gave it a second thought and high tailed it out of there earlier! We can learn from the mistakes of others…even if we tag along for a while making bad choices ourselves. We can leave those situations a little earlier than others do.
Photo by: Marisa Salisbury
This shoot is going straight-ISH. Story of my life! In fact…here in lies MY uniqueness. I definitely see my path as reasonably flexible. I turn but would prefer not to twist per se. I meet and influence and AM influenced by many people along this winding path. I am not the rigid type. I think that there is much to be learned from others that only strengthens what I truly believe to be at my core. What I truly believe to be the ultimate truth or “way,” if you will.
I know I always have my eye on the goal but I DEFINATELY make choices to steer away from them so that I’m looking at them over my shoulder instead of directly AT THE GOAL. My feet go one way while my eyes are looking in the direction that I should be going. I tell my students the same thing when they are sitting during a lesson or listening to a speaker. To sit with their whole body facing the speaker. Because if their body is facing their friend while the speaker is talking, it is their friend they are going to see and follow when they look up to make eye contact.
Right now…today…I am HIGHLY focused on the goal. I have spent a decade allowing myself to be dragged in a spiral away from a life I know that I’m destined for. Through it all, I had my eyes on that lovely life full of light but I got farther and farther away. This season, right now, I AM that second shoot. I am so glad that like that third shoot one can always turn that ship around and start heading back in the right direction.
What about you? What actual direction are you headed in right now? What kind of story can you tell about where you’ve been and where you’re headed now?
