self love | Humbled By Humanity

May 10, 2020July 11, 2020

The Munificence of Motherhood

Once upon a time a beautiful male co-worker of mine told me that women, in general, are AMAZING. I wasn’t feeling amazing most of the time and when he said it, I thought ”What? Maybe the women YOU know but I’m not so amazing…you could ask a lot of people around me who know me or at least who spend a lot of time with me and they would give you the same puzzling response. Maybe SOME women…but not this one, not Marisa…she’s ok. But not AMAZING.”

Then I discovered Lectio Divina. And it has blown my mind and my spirit out of the physical confines of this mortal body. I see things, I see MYSELF in a wholly, holy and beautiful new light. It’s AMAZING.

When I wrote this, I was looking at my five year old son on a night he went to sleep as a 4 year old but woke up as a 5 year old. And I thought-in at least ONE sense–I AM, in fact, absolutely AMAZING.

We women can grow a human life inside of us and then have them surgically removed or expulsed from our bodies in THE MOST UNNATURAL WAY… a way that, quite frankly, is SOOO unnatural that our bodies writhe and convulse in confusion of fighting to hold on to that life or let it out into the light. Some women even die during the experience thus moving them from the realm of amazing into glory…I guess.

As if that’s not enough-once that human life is removed and separated from our bodies, though they adapt immediately to the atmosphere, they STILL cannot survive without us. So, we grow food and you would think one human being sucking food out of another would also diminish the capacity of the host…but nope-whenever they want, they just make a sound and instead of having the life sucked out of us, it’s more like THEY breathe life into US.

Then we teach them month after month how other human beings on this planet do things; live, become self-sustaining, communicate, have cognitive and spiritual processes. And before you know it, they are 5 times their original size and interacting on this planet just like all the other human beings.

And we act like nothing ever happened!! Like the little life we grew inside of us just magically appeared out of nowhere and we took care of it because we are “just nice people.”

Now, that is TRULY AMAZING. It’s beyond amazing…it is MUNIFICENT (adj. larger or more generous than is usual or necessary. Synonyms: bountiful, philanthropic, lavish, big hearted, charitable.)

Brag. Please! What is some munificent thing you (or someone you know) has done for a child? I know this post is about motherhood but dads, aunt, uncles, guardians, grandparents, teachers (who have I left out? ) please tell us below about something you look back with some inkling of your greatness.

July 1, 2019July 1, 2019

All Walks of Life

Lessons From Nature–This Time From an Agapanthus

Our lives take many twists and turns. Some are forced upon us just by the general nature of us living on planet earth with billions of other people. But sometimes we make our own choices, calculated or not. Sometimes we simply interpret something a certain way, perhaps two of us may interpret or react to the SAME thing in totally different ways. Why? Because we are each unique, with innate, unique gifts. YOU are unique–ONE OF A KIND—and that’s a GOOD thing! Be your BEST you!

There is something at the root of us all-I believe-that connects us though. I noticed this agapanthus this week. All of these shoots are coming from the same roots, the same plant. They are within inches of each other and receiving the same sunlight and shade. And I thought, the way they are all growing in their own way reflects how we humans live our lives.

This shoot has its eye on a goal and is headed straight for it. Directly, taking no turns, accepting no obstacles. Is it taller than the rest? No, not really. Will it bloom before the others? I will let you know. Will it bloom bigger? I will let you know that as well.

This shoot is either shy and trying to hide from what is good for it. Headed away from the light and back down into the darkness. I know that the sun will not allow for this. No matter how hard this shoot reaches for the dark shade and thick underbrush of the roots, the sun will continue to shine on it and it WILL turn around and head back on the right path.

This one looks like it tried to do the same thing but saw that the sun is good and turned around to reach for the light. But what a twist and turn it took!! Is that a bad thing? Not really. When we take a detour in our own lives and head in the wrong direction for a while maybe we make some friends along the way, maybe we help someone out with the unique gifts that we have. MAYBE it was following that second shoot, gave it a second thought and high tailed it out of there earlier! We can learn from the mistakes of others…even if we tag along for a while making bad choices ourselves. We can leave those situations a little earlier than others do.

This shoot is going straight-ISH. Story of my life! In fact…here in lies MY uniqueness. I definitely see my path as reasonably flexible. I turn but would prefer not to twist per se. I meet and influence and AM influenced by many people along this winding path. I am not the rigid type. I think that there is much to be learned from others that only strengthens what I truly believe to be at my core. What I truly believe to be the ultimate truth or “way,” if you will.

I know I always have my eye on the goal but I DEFINATELY make choices to steer away from them so that I’m looking at them over my shoulder instead of directly AT THE GOAL. My feet go one way while my eyes are looking in the direction that I should be going. I tell my students the same thing when they are sitting during a lesson or listening to a speaker. To sit with their whole body facing the speaker. Because if their body is facing their friend while the speaker is talking, it is their friend they are going to see and follow when they look up to make eye contact.

Right now…today…I am HIGHLY focused on the goal. I have spent a decade allowing myself to be dragged in a spiral away from a life I know that I’m destined for. Through it all, I had my eyes on that lovely life full of light but I got farther and farther away. This season, right now, I AM that second shoot. I am so glad that like that third shoot one can always turn that ship around and start heading back in the right direction.

What about you? What actual direction are you headed in right now? What kind of story can you tell about where you’ve been and where you’re headed now?

November 12, 2018April 20, 2020

Sinners and Saints

Guilt and shame. Long have I lived buried in guilt and shame. I came from a great family, great stock, great parents. Somewhere along the way I took to feeling insecure, less than, unaccomplished. It’s a mixture of many factors. I own them all. Less than good relationships, over sensitivity, being raised Catholic.

A few years ago, during one of the most enlightening times in my life, I was talking to my mentor. The absolute wisest woman I have ever met. Hands down. I mean, I am taken aback by her astuteness and short sentences that cut right to the chase hitting a nail right on the head. Anyway…I was whining about something. Neah, I was reliving some past pain of guilt or shame when she said, “Ok, but you’ve been healed of that. You CAN leave it in the past.” And I thought, so simple and yet… YES!! I HAVE overcome that. Why keep revisiting it?! Because, I’m USED to feeling less than…and those thoughts keep me there.

In Christianity-and several rock and roll songs-we refer to ourselves as sinners and saints. Sometimes we are playing one roll, some days the other. My mentor talked about how in our faith walk we often spend way more time thinking about and beating ourselves down for this sin life we are living. For the sinners that we are. But our faith CALLS us as SAINTS. As FRIENDS to Jesus. Why don’t we get in the habit of HUMBLY relishing in THIS aspect of our existence?

And then I came upon the writings of Macrina Wiederkehr in A Tree Full of Angels. She has been called at times “refreshingly heretical.” God DOES need to use us after all and if our focus is completely on our sin life to the point that we are crippling ourselves, then we are NOT useful now, are we? Here’s what she says of some of the ‘greats’ such as C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien: “They had had an inkling of their greatness and splendor. Are you not perhaps an anonymous member of the inklings? I am! I have an inkling of my greatness. Of my littleness I have certitude. Yet the more I embrace the little one that I am, the more I have an inkling of some mysterious greatness, something infinite stirring within and yearning to be found. I feel it within me more each day. It is like dynamite waiting to be ignited, like a treasure waiting to be found, like a gift waiting to be given and received.”

And what of the Beatitudes in Matthew 5? How long did I focus on the suffering and littleness when right in front of me all along was an inkling of the GREATNESS that was being offered? I grew up focused on trying to feel blessed because I was poor, mournful, meek, hungry, thirsty. Why? Because, I wrongfully thought God could use me if I was suffering. I did my best to obediently jump through hoops to show others mercy, do good for good reason, make peace…and when I felt persecuted for it…well, that was the blessing. But the scales were removed from my eyes when I focused my heart on the second half of EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. of those verses. The kingdom of Heaven is mine! I will inherit the earth! I will be filled! I will be shown mercy! I will SEE GOD! Whaaat??! I will be called child of God.

Wait. WHAT?! What power! Forget defeat, God WANTS us to embrace this powerful-as-dynamite gift waiting to be given and received. In actuality it is a gift that HAS ALREADY BEEN GIVEN. But it’s still sitting there unwrapped, just waiting to be LIT UP.